Originally written on June 26, 2013
I have discovered that the main reason why single people don't like being single is because we know we were created to love and we feel like we have no mission if we are not loving. As usual, we are limiting the word "love" to agape love and eros love, depending on your perspective. Conversely, the main reason why single people like being single is because they don't have to love. Love is sacrifice, it's hard, and for those people, they choose to not be emotionally vulnerable because it's easier, but it will lead them down a path of misery just like the first scenario. We must love being single because it helps us to love in a very different way and we must dislike being single because often enough it doesn't allow us to sacrifice enough for the good of another person.
Yesterday, I came across an article by the Sexy Celibate on things single people want married people to know. Similarly, I read another blog post on the Focus blog about the mission of single people in the world. Both were incredibly good articles and both hit very close to home.
The first article focused mainly on one liners married people use when talking to single people about their singledom. Always well intentioned, people tend to try to reduce the action of meeting a soulmate down to a formula. Do this and this and you'll get a match. My personal favorite is when my married friend asks, "Well, are you dating anyone?" My extended family learned back when I was a sophomore in college to just stop asking. If I have news that's important for you to know, I will tell you. But that inevitable question is usually followed by my inevitable answer, which is "No." Depending on who I'm talking to and what kind of season I am in, I may elaborate more in the sense of asking for prayers for strength because I may be struggling with my singledom at that point. Or I may just change the topic because it's not a big deal at that time or I don't trust the person that much. If I continue the conversation, then I will receive another inevitable question, "Well are you doing this, or that, or this, or that?" The embedded assumption is that I am not DOING enough to be able to change my single status and that I need to do more. In other words, it's my own fault that I am single and has nothing to do with God's Divine Plan.
Well, as I was scrolling through facebook tonight, I noticed a meme from a popular christian page. It was a picture of a beautiful bride with words transposed on it. The words read: "A woman's heart should be so lost in the heart of God that a man has to go there in search of her." I have seen this cliche and passed it along so many times! Tonight I saw it for what it was, thanks to the sexy celibate. Again, it is well intentioned and I know that it is meant to convey a message that you should seek God first and entrust your life to him. But we, as humans, turn it into a formula. It becomes more like this: "Okay, so I have to go get lost in God's heart. Here we go!!!" Picture a girl with her eyes squenched shut trying to mentally get lost in God's heart. That's not quite what we were aiming for. In addition, what are her intentions. If I lose myself in God, a man will find me. That's what it turns into.
So, I pondered this phrase a bit more and I began to wonder, "Where was the man's heart to begin with? Was he just hanging out outside of God's heart? He walked past it, looking at it, sizing it up, stroking his chin and thinking deeply, 'Aha! I bet there is a woman in there! I shall go find her!'" So he goes into God's heart to find a woman. Is that really what happens? Call me crazy and old fashioned, but I don't think I want to be the reason a man seeks God's heart. I want to encourage a man on his journey to seeking God's heart, but I want him to seek God's heart because he has the desire to do so, not to find me, but to find God and to discover God.
I decided to ponder this point a little further. Is getting lost in God's heart my only responsibility? No! And the Focus Blog that I was reading, was about the mission of single people. What if we let God get lost in our hearts? What if we let him snuggle so deep in there and pervade every corner of space? What would happen then? Then, every person we meet, be it a potential suitor, a new friend, the bank teller, our clients, our family, a perfect stranger, would have the opportunity to discover God as they discover us. How powerful is that? God wants to make his home in us so that we can bring him to the world. We just need to get out of the way.
Another thing the first article addressed is how single people cannot love another person in the way a married person can. This is true. A lot of times, as a single people I feel as if I have no purpose when it comes to love. We were created to love. Bottom line. However, If you only see one aspect of love (romantic love) and don't see love for everything else that it is i.e.: friendship, charity to a perfect stranger, speaking truth in the midst of lies, suffering with someone, providing encouragement, etc, then of course you will feel you have no purpose and no mission. You will be barren because you are not loving at all.
Yes, single people are missing out on romantic love and the kind of love that a husband and wife have, the "I'm willing to die for you" kind of love, but look at all of the different ways Christ calls us to love and be present to others. Give encouragement to the person at the check out counter, pay for the person's coffee behind you in line, strike up a conversation with an elderly person, buy some food and take it to the homeless person on the corner. We literally have the freedom to move around the world and evangelize in this way! Single people, this is our mission and this is the New Evangelization!
I will leave you with this quote from our late Holy Father, Pope John Paul the Great, "Do not be afraid. Open wide the doors for Christ. To his saving power...Do not be afraid. Christ knows "what is in man". He alone knows it."
God Bless you and please pray for me!
Links for the blog posts:
http://thesexycelibate.com/2011/12/18/what-single-people-wish-married-people-knew/
http://www.focus.org/blog/posts/singles-dont-let.html
I have discovered that the main reason why single people don't like being single is because we know we were created to love and we feel like we have no mission if we are not loving. As usual, we are limiting the word "love" to agape love and eros love, depending on your perspective. Conversely, the main reason why single people like being single is because they don't have to love. Love is sacrifice, it's hard, and for those people, they choose to not be emotionally vulnerable because it's easier, but it will lead them down a path of misery just like the first scenario. We must love being single because it helps us to love in a very different way and we must dislike being single because often enough it doesn't allow us to sacrifice enough for the good of another person.
Yesterday, I came across an article by the Sexy Celibate on things single people want married people to know. Similarly, I read another blog post on the Focus blog about the mission of single people in the world. Both were incredibly good articles and both hit very close to home.
The first article focused mainly on one liners married people use when talking to single people about their singledom. Always well intentioned, people tend to try to reduce the action of meeting a soulmate down to a formula. Do this and this and you'll get a match. My personal favorite is when my married friend asks, "Well, are you dating anyone?" My extended family learned back when I was a sophomore in college to just stop asking. If I have news that's important for you to know, I will tell you. But that inevitable question is usually followed by my inevitable answer, which is "No." Depending on who I'm talking to and what kind of season I am in, I may elaborate more in the sense of asking for prayers for strength because I may be struggling with my singledom at that point. Or I may just change the topic because it's not a big deal at that time or I don't trust the person that much. If I continue the conversation, then I will receive another inevitable question, "Well are you doing this, or that, or this, or that?" The embedded assumption is that I am not DOING enough to be able to change my single status and that I need to do more. In other words, it's my own fault that I am single and has nothing to do with God's Divine Plan.
Well, as I was scrolling through facebook tonight, I noticed a meme from a popular christian page. It was a picture of a beautiful bride with words transposed on it. The words read: "A woman's heart should be so lost in the heart of God that a man has to go there in search of her." I have seen this cliche and passed it along so many times! Tonight I saw it for what it was, thanks to the sexy celibate. Again, it is well intentioned and I know that it is meant to convey a message that you should seek God first and entrust your life to him. But we, as humans, turn it into a formula. It becomes more like this: "Okay, so I have to go get lost in God's heart. Here we go!!!" Picture a girl with her eyes squenched shut trying to mentally get lost in God's heart. That's not quite what we were aiming for. In addition, what are her intentions. If I lose myself in God, a man will find me. That's what it turns into.
So, I pondered this phrase a bit more and I began to wonder, "Where was the man's heart to begin with? Was he just hanging out outside of God's heart? He walked past it, looking at it, sizing it up, stroking his chin and thinking deeply, 'Aha! I bet there is a woman in there! I shall go find her!'" So he goes into God's heart to find a woman. Is that really what happens? Call me crazy and old fashioned, but I don't think I want to be the reason a man seeks God's heart. I want to encourage a man on his journey to seeking God's heart, but I want him to seek God's heart because he has the desire to do so, not to find me, but to find God and to discover God.
I decided to ponder this point a little further. Is getting lost in God's heart my only responsibility? No! And the Focus Blog that I was reading, was about the mission of single people. What if we let God get lost in our hearts? What if we let him snuggle so deep in there and pervade every corner of space? What would happen then? Then, every person we meet, be it a potential suitor, a new friend, the bank teller, our clients, our family, a perfect stranger, would have the opportunity to discover God as they discover us. How powerful is that? God wants to make his home in us so that we can bring him to the world. We just need to get out of the way.
Another thing the first article addressed is how single people cannot love another person in the way a married person can. This is true. A lot of times, as a single people I feel as if I have no purpose when it comes to love. We were created to love. Bottom line. However, If you only see one aspect of love (romantic love) and don't see love for everything else that it is i.e.: friendship, charity to a perfect stranger, speaking truth in the midst of lies, suffering with someone, providing encouragement, etc, then of course you will feel you have no purpose and no mission. You will be barren because you are not loving at all.
Yes, single people are missing out on romantic love and the kind of love that a husband and wife have, the "I'm willing to die for you" kind of love, but look at all of the different ways Christ calls us to love and be present to others. Give encouragement to the person at the check out counter, pay for the person's coffee behind you in line, strike up a conversation with an elderly person, buy some food and take it to the homeless person on the corner. We literally have the freedom to move around the world and evangelize in this way! Single people, this is our mission and this is the New Evangelization!
I will leave you with this quote from our late Holy Father, Pope John Paul the Great, "Do not be afraid. Open wide the doors for Christ. To his saving power...Do not be afraid. Christ knows "what is in man". He alone knows it."
God Bless you and please pray for me!
Links for the blog posts:
http://thesexycelibate.com/2011/12/18/what-single-people-wish-married-people-knew/
http://www.focus.org/blog/posts/singles-dont-let.html
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