Adversity Calling

Originally written on June 4, 2013

One thing I absolutely KNOW about myself is I don't like being in pain.  Now, when it comes to illness or some ailment of the body, I do pretty well, though I am sure my mother would disagree.  But when it comes to pain due to working out or emotional pain...I would rather run and hide.  Tried that again this week.

For some reason, I have it in my head that exercising will kill me.  I'm serious.  I don't know where this comes from.  In the past, I have rarely pushed myself further in exercise.  My family, friends, and coaches can all attest to the fact that I am a wimp!  Additionally, when things become emotionally painful I tend to run and hide instead of dig deeper and push through it.  If it's about a man...all of a sudden I'm researching convents.  If it's about my job...all of a sudden I'm looking for a new one.  If it's about Houston Traffic...all of a sudden I'm trying to move to Denver (they think they have traffic in Denver, y'all).  The point is I have got to stop running away because it's getting me nowhere.  

So today, I went to spiritual direction and we were discussing some current events in my life.  There are things happening which are very difficult for me emotionally in addition to the fact that I have been making a greater effort to exercise more so I'm physically exhausted as well.  With everything we talked about, the pain and hurt would not go away.  Finally, I asked him, "Why can't it just go away?  It still hurts!"  I told my director about wanting run away and hide and he told me, "No, I think you need to continue on this journey a little bit longer.  You need to feel the pain and push through it.  You've been playing it safe for far too long."  It is such a contrasting point of view from what the world has offered.  I am telling you that I could walk up to any person on the street and ask them advice on my current circumstance and they would all be telling me to get out of that situation.  So why is my spiritual director advising me to stay?

Well, it's sort of a similar concept to that of gulf coast people facing hurricane season.  People who do not deal with hurricanes much often judge those precious gulf coast people saying things like, "Why do they continue to live there when they know their houses will get wiped off the map?"  And the simple answer is...they were there first.  Why should they leave?!  This is their life.  Their families all live there within ten minutes of each other.  They all face this adversity together.  If they respond to the tragedy with hope, they become an even tighter knit very loving family.

In case you haven't noticed, life is painful.  Every minute of it is packed with crazy awesome joy and crazy horrible sorrow.  You can't escape it, it will touch you.  You can waste your time and energy trying to avoid the adversity, but all you will accomplish is making yourself crazy being afraid of absolutely everything that is going on around you.  

God allows difficult moments to happen to shape us and mold us into the saints He envisions us to be.  We each have to choose to make the best out of every situation.  My cousin was caught in a huge plant explosion about 8 or so years ago.  People died, it was a very traumatic event in his life.  He could have grown from that experience or faded away.  He decided to grow and on this past Sunday he celebrated his first year anniversary of being ordained a priest!!

Looking back on all of my adversities in life, there is not one I would trade.  I have been through some hard stuff as I am sure most everyone has.  These events don't define me, but they have shaped me.  I still feel God tugging on my heart telling me to push through this hard stuff because once I do, I will find his goodness on the other side.  So I will give my heart to Him, whatever the cost, whatever the trial, and I will let him refine it in His fire.  I know that His grace will not let me falter.