Being Single

Originally written on April 13, 2013

I came across a meme today that said, "Being Single Sucks...All I can do is whatever the hell I want to."  It made me laugh out loud because I cannot tell you how many times a day I think that or hear it.  The best part is when I'm down on being single and my married friends are telling me, "Oh but look at your freedom!  You don't have to worry about this or that.  You're life is great!"  I so want to respond to them, "Oh but look at your life!  You have the privilege of being a mother or father, watching your kids grow up, going on family vacations, among other things..."  It truly is funny that everyone thinks the grass is greener on the other side.  

But that meme got me thinking.  I get really sick of my so called freedom sometimes.  Sometimes I almost think I would rather be changing diapers and playing with babies than going out for a night on the town.  Don't get me wrong, I love my life, my friends, my job.  I wouldn't trade any of it, but there has got to be more to life than just getting to do what you want all the time and not having any real responsibility.

What if we, as children of God, were called to give everything?  No, I mean absolutely everything.  What if my desire to give up all of this freedom is rooted in the fact that I know God created me for more.  I know He has a bigger plan for me than I could ever have for myself.  Yeah, I'm single and can do whatever the hell I want, but guess what...it's not enough and what's scarier...it never will be.  

I have always been afraid of giving everything.  It's painful.  What is He going to ask me for next.  I've always been afraid of suffering.  Mainly because I have suffered greatly and I see it as something to avoid, but what if giving everything is what would truly make me happy?

I think there is a lot to be said for completely abandoning yourself for another person.  A friend of mine once said about his blushing bride, "I am so humbled by the way she just completely and totally abandons herself for me."  This factor is exactly what single people feel they are missing out on.  That complete and total abandonment.  

I know it's a scary thing.  Our current culture actually deters us from doing any such thing.  I can't tell you how many times I have roped my heart in because I didn't want to seem "high maintenance".  These days a woman with high standards is seen as "high maintenance".  But I'd like to point something out here.  What I know to be truly high maintenance is that person who places unrealistic demands on another person and who holds no regard, esteem, or respect for that other person.  A person can ask a lot of you and then treat you with zero respect and have no regard for you as a person.  You should run away from that type of person, far, far away.

On the flip side, you can have someone who asks a lot of you, but holds you in very high esteem.  Treats you with the utmost respect, and at the end of the day is just so proud of you.  This person obviously believes in you.  They set the bar high, not because they want to laugh at you as you struggle to achieve it, but because they KNOW you can achieve it and they KNOW it will make you holier or a better person.  Wow, that sounds a lot like what God does with us.  It may sound a lot like what your husband or wife does for you.  So, if you're single, who is doing that for you?  The silence can be deafening.

A lot of us single people can be just drifting from one event to the next.  Just living our lives.  The reality is, we need people in our lives to fulfill this role.  Yes, God does set the bar for us, but sometimes it can be really easy to ignore Him.  If you have no one in your life motivating you to be a better person and pushing you into that uncomfortable place of abandonment, you are not growing!  You are actually shriveling up and dying.

With that being said, it's good for single people to have some kind of accountability partner or spiritual director.  I go to spiritual direction once a month and it helps me tremendously.  He is constantly encouraging me to go outside of myself, to stretch my heart a bit further every day, and to live an authentic christian lifestyle.  You might be a loner, but if you are, take this as an opportunity to go outside of yourself and find a person you can connect with just to talk things out.  Make sure this person is trustworthy and has your best interest at heart.  You will be a better person for it.  

Doing "whatever the hell you want" is certainly overrated.  It also keeps us in chains.  We are less free and our hearts become so hardened.  We will never find what we are looking for in life if all we do is whatever the hell we want.